Losing u was something I couldn't even fathom.. All the times we talked and emotions we shared, seemed to suddenly vanish as if they were never there to begin with.. Changes can be subtle and take time, but once changed are more noticeable beyond means.. Many times we don't even notice the changes taking over ourselves because of how worried we are about anyone but ourselves.. Always pleasing others and in hindsight losing ourselves because of that.. I wish things could go back to the way they used to be, when I knew who I was and was proud of it..
Now I can't name one person who is proud of who I've become.. I guess trying to please everyone else u end up pleasing nobody in the end.. I never wanted to lose u, u were the one thing keeping me from completely shattering into pieces.. It may have seemed like I didn't care or I was always busy with other people, but in reality u were always on my mind, no matter what.. It may have seemed like i didn't care or didn't want bother with it but all I really wanted was for u to confide in me.. I made that difficult for u and it eats away at me..
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| Khuntoria.. Ok,sy jealous.. hikhik.. |
Every time we've fought I felt more & more ashamed of who I'd become & started desperately searching for who I was, failing miserably.. Struggling to even feel decent about myself I saw the best of me in u, and now that u aren't there what's left of that..? If I'm a liar then why am I sitting here crying harder than ever before..? How can u really be sure that my feelings for u were never there, when in reality they were ONLY for u at greater lengths than u could even imagine..? Every song, poem, or sweet line u've said to me i saved & look at whenever I'm really depressed or sad and realize that i do have a purpose.. I just don't know how i let that slip away..
Everyone has regrets, if I don't say this now I will regret it forever.. I love u.. I always have and always will.. I was just never able to say it.. No matter who I was with or what I was doing YOU were what was on my mind.. Hurting u is what's hurting me the most, realizing I couldn't even be one of the simplest things in life to u: a friend.. Always ending up saying or doing the wrong thing when it shouldn't be hard at all to follow through with, I understand our history and your reasoning behind your actions, I just never got to tell u how I really feel.. If I could go back in time & change one thing, it would be losing myself.. Because once I lost myself, I lost u...
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